How to Write a Condolence Message
How to Write a Condolence Message
When someone you know has experienced a loss, it can be difficult to find the right words to say. When you offer condolences to someone who is grieving, it’s natural to want your words to be comforting and meaningful. But what are the right things to say? And what are the things you should avoid saying? These are the kinds of questions we hear from visitors all the time.
If you’re feeling unsure about how to write a condolence message, rest assured it’s nothing to fret over.
Death is a sensitive subject and something many people feel uncomfortable discussing. If you’ve never had to write a condolence message before, you might not know where to start. Below, we’ve created a helpful outline for writing a condolence message and even included an example.
It’s important to keep in mind that there is no set structure to follow when writing a condolence message. It can be as long or as short as you want. As you start to write, try and focus on clearly communicating your feelings and expressing your sympathy.
If you find yourself unsure what to say, start by just jotting down your thoughts. Take a few moments, and think about the person who has died and the memories you’ve shared with them. Nothing is too small. If you think about it, write it down. Afterwards, look at everything on your list, and if possible, talk about it with a friend.
Once you’re ready, you can start writing your first draft.
Part 1: The Introduction
The first part of your condolence message should start with a brief introduction. Start your condolence message by acknowledging the loss and that you were deeply sorry to learn of the news. There are many different ways to say this. Below is couple examples of phrases you can use.
“I was filled with sadness when I learned about your father’s passing”
“I am so sorry to hear that your sister has passed away.”
“I was so sorry to learn of the passing of …”
Part 2: The Middle Section
In the middle section of your condolence message, you can talk about the qualities of the deceased and share some memories. Reminiscing over memories you shared with the deceased can be comforting to the recipient of your condolence message. Just make sure that the memories you share are appropriate. The last thing you want is to upset someone by sharing a story about their loved one that angers or upsets them.
In this section of your condolence message, you can say something along the lines of:
“She always had a smile on her face. That’s what I’m going to miss the most about Cheryl.”
“Dylan was always willing to lend a hand. Even if he was busy, he always made time to help others when he could.”
“I’ll never forget Doug’s infectious laugh. He was always the life of the party.”
Part 3: The Closing Section
In the final section of your condolence message, you can offer support to the bereaved. Instead of saying something generic like “if there’s anything you need…” make your offer specific. The coming weeks will likely be quite difficult for the bereaved. So, if you would like to help in some way, now is the time.
There are many ways to offer assistance, so get creative. A few different examples include, offering to babysit the kids so they can have a night out. Or asking if you can drive them to any upcoming appointments.
The closing section of your condolence message is also where you should mention the funeral service or RSVP. If the bereaved will be receiving your condolence message before the service, now is the time to confirm your attendance. If you plan to send the letter after the service, you can mention something about the service or apologize for being unable to attend.
If you and the recipient were close, you can end the condolence message with something along the lines of:
“Lots of love”
“With all my love”
However, if you were not that close to the recipient, something more appropriate could be:
“My sincere sympathy”
“You’re in my prayers”
Example of A Condolence Message
Dear Troy,
I was overcome with sadness when I learned of Wendy’s passing. I just wanted to reach out and let you know how much she will be missed by everyone at the curling club.
Wendy was special and someone I always enjoyed chatting with. Hearing her stories from her travels around the world always captivated me. She accomplished a lot in her life and I’ve always admired her passion for exploration.
Thank you for inviting us to the funeral service. It was a truly beautiful ceremony and I was pleased to meet with so many wonderful people sharing laughs and stories from Wendy’s life.
Please know that Kevin and myself will be here if you need us. Kevin has said, he’d be more than happy to help out around the farm for the next few weeks. I’ll make sure to have him give you call in the next few days to set something up.
If you ever need to talk, we’re just a phone call away.
With all our love,
Cindy and Kevin
Helping a Grieving Friend
Although a condolence message is a great gesture, if you need more assistance with helping a loved one that is grieving, we urge you to visit our page, for friends of the bereaved for guidance and advice.